Token Asian Daughter
In any culture, there are stigmas we must come to terms with and some to release from our generational cycles. Being a Token Asian Daughter to Immigrant parents makes it difficult. We are raised that this one way of appearance, lifestyle, education, and fashion is the ONLY way. Anything that strays from it makes you "crazy" or "a delinquent". I grew up being called awful slurs by my mother for changing how I dressed one day from my usual of wanting to wear a type of makeup style that was more out there than subtle.
I couldn't wear heels till I was 18, wear makeup till I was 17 (and even then I snuck it with me to school to put on), wear skirts without leggings under till I was 18 (also snuck a different wardrobe), and change my hair color till I was 18.
When I first dyed my hair at the salon I came home and my mom said I looked like "a trashy whore", my dad shook his head in disapproval, and ever since my natural hair has never been seen. I've kept dying my hair because I was tired of living behind this identity that I am this "perfect, smart, Asian girl", the one you can't tell apart from a crow of them. After all, we all have long black, straight hair and wear little to no makeup.
Being labeled "Shy" for not talking became my image. Next thing you know it was, "she's nervous all the time" and "She always looks like this". I hated only being known for being the SAME... Same as the stereotypes in the shoes of every Asian female, " soft-spoken, timid, unsure/insecure, with a random act of rebellion that changes everyone's perspective on her." So many Asian women and Asian American women face being different as bad, and can never be allowed to truly express what they want to look like and be. Our beauty and Skin Care revolves around Euro-Centric features: At 14, I was told I wasn't pale enough to be considered pretty... at 16 I wasn't given the chance on Nan Song Khan because my mom refused to volunteer me but did not hesitate once when she was told my sister should. She has fairer skin, is taller, skinnier, prettier- mom would say. I remember a classmate telling me on a grade scale my looks were a "C" and how I soon after wore masks till I graduated. I once watched students get parties and nights out for C's whilst my friends and I consoled each other on what to say to our parents for getting "B's".
The pressure is gruesome, as soon as academics start being permanent that parental focus takes over and we don't get to be our person. Females will be complimented and given praise for obeying their mom with no questions asked. I grew tired of letting my mom think her abuse was okay and allowed- soon defending myself became "She's angry all the time" and " Her attitude is awful, that poor mother".
I swallowed all the harsh words of my parents so I could attain their expectations of me, and be given no praise for it. Overworking myself, crumbling under stress, and barely mentally stable to be this image of a "perfect daughter" every Asian family had.
In the media, Asian women are either judged mainly on western beauty standards or labeled as "untraditional". Ever notice in films if the Asian female character is non-traditional she has short hair, a streak of hair color, or a cold/stiff personality?
WHY THE ASIAN HAIR STREAK IS PROBLEMATIC
We all know the "iconic" scenes where we see the sweet girl go "rogue", dying her hair in rebellion. While this proves to help many of us in our life endeavors- the cliché of it to Asian only became stronger. Or worse that they have been over-sexualized and made to play as dumb like they couldn't know better.
It's Still Present Today (2021)
In Shang-Chi Legend of the Ten Rings, Meng'er Zhang lit a match to the flames of this movie stereotype as her character was headed right for this trope.
"We have already shot the film for over a month and one day and I just read an article from Teen Vogue. It said how Asian female characters in Hollywood films always have a hint of color in their hair to show that they are rebels, they are tough, and they can fight.”- Zhang
In a trope that is quite common in Hollywood, the easiest way to show that the East Asian supporting female characters are "cool and rebellious" is to streak their hair with garish purple or red.
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Trust Me... I Would Know
I know how bad the "Trope" is... I ended up living it-
When I went into the salon for the first time to treat my never dyed before hair- the specialist bleached streaks into my hair that were much too noticeable to say they were highlights...
I went through full head bleaches and lifts to solidify that mess once I realized what had become of me. My color became a way to self-express, but also a way to advocate for this trope. I was just as much of a badass before the dye, before the colors/tints. Yet no one wanted to look at me like that until I had the tattoos, the hair, and a "look".
Why couldn't we be seen as who we were, as we were, without a need to change our appearance?
I'll tell you before my hair was dyed, I had people who felt they could walk all over me- and once it was colored they held their tongues.
I should be given this kind of respect, and consideration, and be seen for who I am before any modifications!
Sincerely,
Her
